CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal) – If you want more depth, connection and joy in your relationships, you need to develop more emotional intimacy with your partner. Licensed Therapist Christian Smith, from Change Happens, Inc. in Chicopee shared tips to help you feel emotionally connected with your loved ones.
Steps to forging greater emotional intimacy
Emotional intimacy is a fancy way of saying “feeling close” but at the end of the day that’s what is most important.
Tip #1 check your balance- the emotional bank account
How are we doing? Are we close?
How good have I been at making deposits?
Tip #2 Make some deposits
There are many things that hit our accounts as withdrawals :
Examples of withdrawals
Showing unkindness, discourtesy, or disrespect
Breaking promises or commitments
Being proud or arrogant
Giving no feedback or evaluating a person’s character – using “you messages” (example: “You are inconsiderate.”)
Having to talk about finances
Having to give negative feedback
… Just to name a few cause there are many.
Therefore it is imperative that we be diligent about making deposits into our partners emotional account.
Examples of deposits
Seeking first to understand
Showing kindness, courtesy, and respect
Keeping promises and commitments
Being loyal to the absent
Setting clear expectations
Apologizing when you make a withdrawal
Giving feedback – using “I messages” (example: “I was embarrassed by your comment.”)
Tip# 3 determine your partners specific love need
1. Quality time
2. Acts of Service
3. Words of affirmation
5. Physical touch
At least one of these, when offered to your partner, will result in your partner feeling very loved.