CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal) – Negative self-talk often causes us to feel bad, and can make us feel hurt, angry or frustrated. But how can we stop this destructive behavior? Jeff Londraville, Author of “The Filter,” shared tips on how to put an end to your negativity.
How to Stop Negative Self-Talk
Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to your best friend.
If you catch yourself on a self-depreciating rant, check in with yourself and ask, “Would I say this to _____?” If the answer is “no,” then you certainly don’t deserve to be spoken to in that way either. Don’t let these insults pass without defending yourself against your own negative and grumpy voice.
Write out the insult you just said to yourself.
Seeing it on a piece of paper will make it more obvious to you how self-depreciating your thoughts really are. When you think something like, “I am so dumb,” it likely passes through your mind so swiftly, you don’t have a chance to even register it. So many of us are so used to this kind of talk that we literally have to slow ourselves down and re-register what we are actually saying to ourselves. Writing it out is a great way to slow down and see the absurdity in your own negative self-talk.
Take a break from social media.
Studies show that social media increases self-criticism. Instead, spend some time tuning in to yourself and how you feel about and see your own life through your own eyes. Listen and pay close attention to your own thoughts. Say something nice to yourself. Be with yourself, and get clear on what you actually think and feel about who you are. This is difficult for so many of us, but if you cannot be with yourself, how do you expect anyone else to be with you? If you speak to yourself disrespectfully or even flat-out rudely, how do you expect anyone else to treat you differently? By elevating your self-treatment to a standard that aligns with your value system, your environment will follow suite.
Formulate your intentions.
Formulate an intention that originates from your heart about the way you want to speak with yourself and hence, feel about yourself. The only rule is that your intention has to be positive and affirming (formulate your sentences using “do” instead of “don’t,” etc.), written in the first person, and in the present tense. Pour all your creativity, playfulness, and personal quirkiness into this note, so that it truly feels like YOU. Then, put it up somewhere where you will see it daily or perhaps exactly there, where most of your negative self-talk tends to happen.