CHICOPEE, Mass. (Mass Appeal) – Have you ever wondered how some couples fight, but are still so much in love with each other? Licensed Therapist Christian Smith, from Change Happens, Inc. in Chicopee, shared the dos and don’ts of fighting with your spouse.
Common Traps to Avoid When Fighting with Your Spouse
1. Communicating when you are emotionally “heated”
Calm yourself down before you talk
2. Speaking in extremes – “you always…” or “you never…”
Speak specifically about your concerns. What did they do and how did it make you feel?
3. Blaming or Labeling – “You are so inconsiderate!” “You’re a nag.”
Expressions like these will only make someone feel defensive
4. Minimizing personal responsibility – “I only did that because …”
Think about yourself “What could I have done better?”
5. Having tunnel vision and only seen the problems in your relationship
Try to see the bigger picture. Ask yourself “Do I want to die on this hill?”, “Is this something I just have to accept about my mate?”
6. Being silent or Stuffing how you feel and not expressing it.
Find a way to positively communicate. Even if it means expressing that you want to talk but now is not a good time. “Can I take a few moments first to…?”
Make sure that you’re spending good time together so that when you have fights it’s easier to think of fun times and the good times within your relationship, Kind of like when you first met. When you’re having fun and enjoying each other it’s hard to stay mad at each other.